Though there are many perks to being single, dating is not always considered to be one of them. Picking an outfit, the nerves, making tedious small talk, and that one chia seed you didn’t realise was stuck in your teeth all day are only some of the aspects that make first dates horrific.

First dates can definitely be exciting but most of the time, they’re as nerve-wracking and uncomfortable as a job interview – but with alcohol.

Naturally, no one hopes (or even expects) that it will go badly, but first dates are rarely romantic or easy-going. Dating is truly a mixed bag and for every great date, chances are you might have to endure one (or five) awful ones.

The truth is, dating is a necessary evil that every woman must encounter at some point in her life. You might meet someone who won’t stop talking about their ex, or who repeatedly calls you by the wrong name. You might also go out with someone who calls himself a “coffee connoisseur” then takes you on a date to Caffè Nero and orders a white chocolate mocha. Trust me, that happened.

The truly terrible dates will leave you seriously considering a career as a nun. But for those of us who aren’t cut out for a life of asceticism, there’s a silver lining in knowing that if you’ve ventured into a date that’s a total waste of time or ends horrifically, at the very least you’ll have a topic of conversation to keep your friends entertained over (many) wines.

Bad, awkward or cringe first dates are almost an inevitable part of every woman's life; even TV and radio presenter Becca Dudley has had one. On the first episode of Freya Lingerie's new podcast When Life Gives You Melons, Becca recalls how on a coffee date, the guy pulled out a box of eggs, scissors, card, Blu Tack and pens so they could paint eggs – and it wasn't even Easter. "I will never forget that," she says, "and 10/10 for thinking outside of the box."

So in the name of sorority, and to let you know you’re not alone in the minefield that is dating, these brave real women share their stories of what could have been but, luckily, never was. Or in the words of queen Bey: “The best thing I never had.”

Whitney, 30

I’d gone to get drinks with a guy and he was asking all the banal first date questions – what do you do, where are you from, etc. He asked where I went to school and I told him about my nine years of very liberal all-girls school education, at which point he asked with a brutish grunt if that meant “everyone was a lesbo”. I tried to change the conversation but he just kept prodding, wanting to know if I had ever hooked up with another girl, if we all "lezzied out together in the locker room". He literally would not stop.

So about three sips into my Moscow Mule, I made up some stupid lie and said I had to leave, and on the way home I posted an Insta story about what a Neanderthal nightmare this guy was. I guess he must have done some post-date internet stalking because he sent me about a dozen messages over the next three days telling me what a b*tch I was, that I was lucky he ever bothered with me at all, and that his suspicions of me being a lesbian had to be true because I’d rebuffed him. Dreamboat.

Bethan, 23

I have so many bad date stories it's ridiculous. But the best one was when I had a good date with a guy and he offered to walk me home. Once outside my house he told me that he had only come on the date to “see if he could get over someone” and proceeded to thank me for my time, saying that he “feels much better about himself now because he knows that he can easily date other women”. Couldn't he just have said “Nice meeting you” and then proceeded to ghost me? Because that would have been better than finding out I was just being used.

Ava, 27

This American guy came over to my house with a bottle of rosé, and the date was totally going fine. Until we had sex. He only wanted to do it doggy style and we didn’t kiss once! But the cherry on top was when he had a look at some photos I had taken and said that “maybe if I tried really hard I could actually maybe do this for a living”, despite the fact that he’d only been taking photos for five months and I had told him I’d been working professionally as a photographer for 10 years and had a degree in it…

Ella, 24

I waited for this guy outside the Tube station for 45 minutes and when he arrived he was about four years older than he claimed and five stone heavier than his pictures. He talked about how his mum had passed away, which was really, really sad but a bit weird for a first date. He then mentioned cooking, and when I said I don’t cook he asked, “You can’t cook, or you won’t cook?” and I said it was a bit of both, to which he replied, “Well, you’re going to learn.” He then told me how he wanted to take me to his home country, and he really wanted to introduce me to his aunt (with whom he lived) and when I said no he thought I was being rude, even though I had known this guy for all of two hours. He then got really offended when I refused to have sex with him, but texted me the next day asking when we’d go out again…

Lauren, 25

This story is actually quite tragic because it was the best date I had ever been on. What started as a coffee date turned into drinks, then dinner, then after-dinner drinks. When all the bars closed we sat on a park bench and talked all night, even had the most romantic kiss. He walked me home and we snogged outside my house for a bit. What I didn’t know was that he had just had a hernia removed from his testicles, and the kissing got him a little too… err… excited. So excited that one of his stitches burst! We had already made plans for a second date but he was so embarrassed I never heard from him again.

Barbara, 28

This was my first date with a guy who ended up being my boyfriend for five years. He asked me out for Valentine's Day which at the time (age 16) seemed really cute and not at all weird. We decided to go to dinner and then play mini golf. About halfway through dinner, he gets a phone call from his little sister who was spending the night at a friend's house but wanted to come home because she didn't feel well. So he left me at the restaurant and went to pick up his sister, therefore I decided to leave the restaurant and forget about the date. He then called me to apologise and said, "Let's go play mini golf but is it OK if my sister tags along?" Because I liked the guy, I decided to be nice and said yes. Things were going fine, then his sister ran over because she made a hole in one and about 10 seconds later, threw up on my shoes. He apologised and we all decided that it was time to go home separately. But the final thing he said: "I only have enough cash for me and my sister. Can you pay for yourself?"

To hear more *awks* first date stories from Maya Jama and Vanessa White, listen to the full podcast at freyalingerie.com/melons.

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It's official, autumn is here. The sun may be gone but we do have one bright thing to get us through: brunch. And we don't even have to change out of our PJs to enjoy it.

Chef Reem Kassis' new book The Palestinian Table is all about bringing warmth to your kitchen and forgetting the grey outside. These easy-to-follow recipes from her extended Middle Eastern family are perfect for everything from an indulgent brekkie for one to a feast for all your loved ones to enjoy.

Chilly mornings and dark evenings can be kinda depressing but throw off your duvet, heat up the oven and spread some cheer with Kassis' delicious brunch recipes, ahead.

Reem Kassis' debut cookbook, The Palestinian Table (published by Phaidon), is available now.

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“My artwork is about learning and sharing. A community and a sense of being. When you have, you give, and when you learn, you teach,” Favour Jonathan tells me, sat on a green velvet stool (which she made) in her bedroom. The 21-year-old, Central Saint Martins fine art student and multidisciplinary artist never stays with one hairstyle for too long.

From the perspective of an African woman living in London, themes of home, identity and womanhood ripple throughout Favour’s work. She describes art as “everything that you live through and everything that you’ve been through.” Creativity isn’t something she practises, it's who she is.

Having spent years transitioning from having no hair to growing out her afro and experimenting with intricate braiding patterns, Favour decided to document this lifelong journey by taking a series of vibrant 'passport photo selfies', highlighting the versatility of afro-textured hair. It's a clever spin on the forward-facing, expressionless, fun-free images usually used for human identification.

Each photo, taken over the last five months, displays Favour wearing a different hairstyle (all self-styled) and channelling personas from Janet Jackson circa 1993 to a traditional woman of Favour’s homeland in Benin City, Edo State, Nigeria. She titled the project 'A Statement of Pride'.

"My hair is mine. I can do whatever I want with it, no one else is in control. It’s my power, my strength and my crown. I can wear it anywhere and in any way I want to", says Favour.

For many black women, like Favour and myself, our hair has never been “just hair”. The afro has been historically politicised, deemed unprofessional in work settings and unacceptable at school. Through lack of representation and accessible knowledge, many of us grow up chemically straightening it to achieve a more 'socially palatable' look.

Now, though, black women are ditching the harmful chemicals and unapologetically embracing the fullness of the ‘fro. A Google search of the “natural hair movement” brings up thousands of articles, YouTube videos and social media posts all relating to this global crusade, which has a feminist ethos, being pro-choice and encouraging full ownership of the self. Our hair is inextricably linked with our identity, making work like Favour’s both inspiring and relatable. "That happens naturally and it happens with other people’s work as well," says Favour. "I see some people’s work and think, 'Damn – are you talking about me?'"

Favour's bedroom walls are covered in her paintings of all textures and sizes. African fabrics are draped across dressers, photographs of Janet Jackson and Erykah Badu adorn door frames, plants sit neatly on most sturdy surfaces and vines hang from the ceiling. Her bedroom doubles up as a spot for regular “jellof and chill” hangouts; she's even used it as an exhibition space. Favour tells me that she has “a thing about plain walls” and prefers to present work in spaces that she can “make [her] own”, making her bedroom the perfect setting.

“The exhibition I had at my house was one of the biggest moments for me this year," she says. "I had just over 40 people here, it was an exhibition, but it was also like a house party. Everyone was taking pictures of the work like it was in an exhibition, but people were also sitting on the floor eating jellof, chit-chatting and shouting 'Pass the bottle opener!' I had to make sure it ran from 6pm to 9.30pm sharp. At 9.30 I said, 'Guys, the venue’s closed! Y’all gotta get out!’ Then we all went to the lake. We made fried chips in the house and took them all the way out. That’s how I like my work to be seen.”

“I want to see people’s reactions to my work, rather than just seeing it on the internet or on Instagram," she says. "It’s people’s expressions that give me satisfaction."

To Favour, identity is “the things that you carry with you. You identify with what’s in your heart.” With each new hairstyle, “you don’t necessarily become a new person, but you do take on a new persona, like an alter ego. It’s just being yourself and being able to do that transformation yourself is something that’s quite magical.”

What comes with each new persona could be anything from a change in style to a shift in the way you walk or carry yourself. “My outfits change based on what hairstyle I have. When you have a straight weave with a middle parting, you automatically walk around flipping your hair to the side,” Favour laughs, demonstrating the motion.

Alongside the natural hair movement, there’s been a wave of women making the decision to shave their heads completely, many saying they feel "even more feminine” without hair. Charnah Ellesse of the girlswillbeboys collective created a film “exploring modern ideas of femininity through women of different cultures who have shaved their heads.”

The common factor in such movements is a need to feel free from societal standards of beauty, and a search for an inner self that is represented by the exterior. By singing India Arie’s “I Am Not My Hair” or proudly saying “My hair is my crown”, we're empowering ourselves.

Of course, self-empowerment can’t exist without some degree of self-sufficiency, which is very important to Favour as an artist. “I feel like I have the power to change it whenever I want to, because I know how to do it. A lot of black women – we know how to do our hair just right and just how we like it. I’m not a fan of other people touching my hair.”

When you’re unable to do your hair by yourself, this part of your physical expression of identity is limited by whether you can find a stylist you trust, if you can afford to go to a stylist in the first place. It's often difficult to find stylists who really understand the characteristics of afro hair and are able to focus on its health, as well as achieve a particular style.

Doing your own hair is a journey of self-discovery, but can also be just a few hours of solo down time. "I love that I can put on the TV, braid my hair and chill by myself," Favour says. "I get some me time, and by the end of it, I have a new style."

Keep up with Favour Jonathan on her Instagram.

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As allegations of sexual harassment about Harvey Weinstein come to light, more women are speaking out about their experiences with the embattled film mogul. Rebecca Traister wrote about a verbal and physical altercation with him in the year 2000 for the Cut. And now, an actress is adding her voice as well, according to People.

Jessica Hynes is best known for her roles in W1A, The Royle Family, and Spaced (which she co-created and co-wrote with Simon Pegg). She's also known for portraying Magda in Bridget Jones' Diary 2. She posted on Twitter that she once lost a role because she refused to screen test for him wearing a bikini. She alleges this occurred when she was 19. "I'm sure there are many more..." she replied in a follow-up tweet. The tweets have since been deleted.

In response to the allegations, Weinstein told the New York Times that he is taking a leave of absence from his film company. "I came of age in the 60’s and 70’s, when all the rules about behaviour and workplaces were different. That was the culture then...I appreciate the way I’ve behaved with colleagues in the past has caused a lot of pain, and I sincerely apologise for it," he writes, adding that he will seek therapy.

Weinstein's attorney also told the Hollywood Reporter that he plans on suing the Times. The statement reads, " The New York Times published today a story that is saturated with false and defamatory statements about Harvey Weinstein,. It relies on mostly hearsay accounts and a faulty report, apparently stolen from an employee personnel file, which has been debunked by nine different eyewitnesses. We sent the Times the facts and evidence, but they ignored it and rushed to publish. We are preparing the lawsuit now. All proceeds will be donated to women’s organisations."

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On the surface, the Blade Runner:2049 universe isn't all that kind to women. Much like the original, Denis Villeneuve's sequel to the 1989 Ridley Scott classic tells the story of a man tasked with the violent responsibility of deactivating rogue replicants, sentient robots designed to do the tasks humans no longer want to be burdened with.

Women in this bleak version of Los Angeles are mostly commodities, objects used for the sexual fulfillment of men. But dig deeper, and you'll find a complex power struggle that highlights the way women must often make the best of difficult situations. Zoom out, and what stands out is a science fiction film with not one, not two, not three, but four interesting, meaty female roles.

One of those roles is that of Mariette, a sex worker charged with getting close to Ryan Gosling's broody blade runner, K, for reasons that are too spoiler-y to discuss here. Played with fierce intensity by Mackenzie Davis, Mariette is a product of this futuristic society, but also someone who has managed to find a way to game the system.

Her performance is almost a reflection of the film itself, which in portraying a decaying society with capacities even beyond what we can imagine, is both about subjugation and transcendence.

This isn't Davis' first foray into the world of sci-fi. In fact, she made headlines last year with her performance as Yorkie, opposite Gugu Mbatha-Raw's Kelly, in "San Junipero," one of the most acclaimed episodes in the Black Mirror series. During a phone call with Refinery29, Davis talked about Blade Runner 2049 's portrayal of women, how her costume changed how she viewed her character, and whether science fiction is becoming a more inclusive genre.

Refinery29: Were you a fan of the original Blade Runner?

Mackenzie Davis: "I was a huge fan of the original. I was obsessed with it from the first moment I saw it, which was kind of late, I saw it when I was 19 in university. It just blew me away, the whole world, the design, the characters, everything sort of bowled me over. It was actually one of the first things I told my agent when I started working with them. They were like, ‘What kind of career do you want? What kind of movies do you like?’ and I said ‘Just so you know, if they ever make a Blade Runner sequel, that’s the only thing I want.’"

How do you think the sequel differs in its portrayal of women?

"I think it’s pretty self-aware about a pornographic economy that has reduced the roles of women to sheer consumption. The normalisation of women’s roles as things to be consumed, there’s products that are made, just like there are now, the idea of the semi-sentient sex doll is really in line with what’s going on in this Blade Runner universe, about having a thing that fulfills everything you want, but doesn’t talk back and can’t argue with you, but can be a loving supporting companion and also fulfill all your sexual needs feels like something that’s very contemporary and something the movie is very self-aware about. And then I think that there are female roles in different castes of this society that are able to be more embodied and powerful in conventional ways, and also have cracks in their facade where you see their vulnerabilities. But it seems like this world is so dependent on this caste system of humans perform these roles, replicants perform these roles, human superiors, creators, and those are the ways that women sort of travel between. But there isn’t a lot of upward mobility."

Do you see your character as feminist?

"I struggle with that question. What does that mean? Does my character consider herself a feminist? Is me playing her a feminist act?"

Let’s talk about both.

"I think she’s a survivor, and I think that she is aware of the role that she’s been given in society, and what she needs to do to survive, and to get other things she wants out of life by exploiting that role. I think in a really strict sort of class society where you can’t move between classes, people have to learn how to exploit the space that they occupy, and I think Mariette has done that. And as far as do I think my playing her is a feminist act, I don’t know. I think she’s an interesting character, and I thought that there was a lot to play with with her, and that’s sort of what I look at first. Do I think somebody is interesting, can I be engaged with this person’s story?"

She definitely has agency within her confined role. She doesn’t really feel like a victim.

"No, she doesn’t feel like a victim to me either. But I think the idea of how women operate in this society — going to Las Vegas, which is like the apotheosis of the pornified universe, you see these totems of objectified women on their knees. That’s a society that’s crumbled. I think there’s something interesting about this city of mahogany that has gone to the excesses of consumption and is now just a dustbowl of forgotten desires and sexual fantasies. It’s just these empty, crumbling statues now."

How did you prepare for the role?

"Through a lot of conversations with Denis [Villeneuve]. It’s a lot of internal thought: what is it like to be a sex worker in this world? How important is it to be sexy? How important is it to be warm? I thought a lot about climate and how weird it was to balance frigid damp temperature and the need to show your body. Honestly, it came together for me when I saw the costumes. It encompassed the whole complexity of this position that Mariette occupies. And I found it really sort of transformative, being on the set. It’s a world that doesn’t exist yet. So there’s what you do to prepare, but I think a lot of it is real once you’re inside this imagined place."

What was the most challenging part of playing Mariette?

"I think just getting over the nerves of being a teenage girl, thinking ‘I can’t believe I’m in this movie; I can’t believe I’m on this set. You are the one that will ruin this.’ Getting over the general anxiety of feeling like you’ve hoodwinked people. I think also with a movie this big, you feel like this is the time where you have to really do something big with your character, really make a splash — I put this external pressure that I never really put on other parts. And then once I got there and started working, I was just like ‘ Ugh, nobody wants to see you execute some weird pyrotechnics.’ You want to connect with the person you’re with. Yes, you’re in this world, but all the fantasy stuff is taken care of for you. You don’t need to add to that in any sort of selfish or self-aggrandising way. You just need to know what you’re doing and talk to this person, and think about your character. So, I think just trimming it down and not trying to make a splash was a preliminary challenge."

Last season of Black Mirror was very focused on women, including your episode with Gugu Mbatha Raw, “San Junipero.” Now, with Blade Runner, do you think sci-fi in general is becoming a kinder genre for women?

"I kind of think it always has been! I’ve been getting this question a lot, kind of ‘Aren’t you so happy this is the rare sci-fi movie that has great roles for women?’ and I think it is totally a sci-fi movie that has great roles for women, but in my experience that’s the genre where women have gotten to be unleashed from the bonds of earthly expectations of what their roles are, and they’ve gotten to be explorers. Alien, and Promotheus...there’s just so many examples of sci-fi being the realm where women get to be whatever, because it’s not Earth anymore. I think that’s historically been true. Like any genre, there’s also really bad examples of women’s experience in sci-fi. But generally I’ve looked at sci-fi as a bigger field of opportunities for interesting characters. "

What do you hope people take away from this film?

"It’s so weird the way people consume science fiction. They’re these incredibly forceful cautionary tales and morality tales warning us against our consumption and our abuse of the planet, and our unbound appetite for creation and invention at the cost of human experience and connectivity. And yet, people just consume these films as entertainment and then move on and create the very things that they’re working against. Hopefully the weather patterns that are illustrated in this movie will have some resonance, especially this year. It’s such a big world, and you see so much destruction and so much creation and it’s so overwhelmingly imaginative, and so much has been created and established in this future world. And yet it’s still this simple story of somebody trying to understand who they are, do they matter, and what are they doing here, which hasn’t changed since the beginning of us telling stories, and before we told stories, when we were just walking around wondering that ourselves. So, I hope people stop fucking up the environment, I guess."

The weather patterns were so shocking. I’m from Montreal and I was thinking that this looks just like a Canadian winter.

"Oh, I lived in Montreal! I remember when I was first going to K’s apartment, I had my hat, and was like ‘Oh God, this feels so familiar. When you’re in Montreal, and you have all these layers, and as soon as you go in you create these little bags of your stuff. Or your coat becomes this hobo sac where you put everything in and tie it up and carry it around, as a kind of unit of your possessions.”

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I once went out with a guy I'd met on Bumble, and about an hour into the date, I knew I completely disliked him. He was a total narcissist, he continually spoke over me, and he was extremely rude to our waiter. My brain was telling me this guy was trash, and I knew in my gut that I really didn't like him. But I was also wildly attracted to him, and I wanted to see what was under that wrinkled tartan shirt he was wearing.

So at the end of the night, instead of telling him to never call me again, I took him home. We hooked up a few more times after that, and every single time I tried to get myself to actually like him. Sexually, we sizzled. But when we tried to talk post-coitus, I found myself growing more and more irritated with him. This was all confounding to me, because I'd been raised to think that sex could and should only pop off between someone you loved — or at least liked.

But, apparently, this phenomenon is quite common — plenty of people want to get busy with people they really dislike. "Sex and love are two distinct experiences and processes," says Jessica O'Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. "We've created a culture in which sex and love are supposed to go together, and one cannot exist without the other. But a lot of times, they don't." In other words, you don't necessarily have to be in love with someone to want to sleep with them. You can have strong feelings the other way — or have no feelings at all. Sometimes, things are purely physical.

"Attraction is so primal and hormonal," says Jesse Kahn, LCSW, the director and supervisor of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective in NYC. "And physical attraction and emotional attraction don't always go hand-in-hand."

"We've created a culture in which sex and love are supposed to go together, and one cannot exist without the other. But a lot of times, they don't."

There's also the fact that humans can sometimes find things we're not supposed to like incredibly exciting — and sometimes that excitement gets sexual. "You see this a lot in more kink and BDSM cultures," Kahn says. "Some people in that community have eroticised something we've kind of been told not to like — like pain — and have actually found pleasure between it." The taboo of tapping into something that's challenging or forbidden can be extremely sexy for people, because it offers a sense of escapism. "That may be why you hear of some people in power, like high-powered CEOs, who love to play the role of submissive," Dr. O'Reilly says. They do call it a sexual fantasy, after all.

For some, however, constantly lusting over people they dislike, or people who aren't all that nice to them, can point to underlying issues. "It's not uncommon to be attracted to things that were harmful to us in our past," Kahn says. "Let's say you grew up in a home where your father was very narcissistic and that affected you as a child. It could continue to affect you and your preferences as an adult." O'Reilly adds that being attracted to someone you dislike and engaging in a relationship that could be potentially harmful are two very different circumstances, so it's important to know the difference.

The good news is that, as long as you're not in a dangerous situation, having sex with someone you don't like can actually be extremely enjoyable for everyone involved. "If you're hooking up with someone, and you're topping them or dominating them with consent and aftercare in a setting that's completely consensual and ethical, it can be really sexy and healing," Kahn says. Sex can teach you a lot about what you like, or what you don't like, so as long as everyone's on board, there's no harm in getting down.

As for me and my narcissist, we figured out pretty quickly that it was best to minimise the talking and part ways shortly after finishing. So even though I didn't like him, I appreciated that.

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Yes, it may officially be pumpkin season, but there's a whole world of gourds out there worth exploring and eating. From acorn to butternut all the way to spaghetti, supermarkets are currently filling up with every kind of squash.

But, not all squash are created equal. Some are great for easy weeknight dinners, others require a bit more love. To get the facts on these gorgeous vegetables, we spoke with chefs who are just as excited for autumn as we are. Thanks to their tips, we won't just be letting these beauties end up as centrepieces at Halloween.

The main piece of common advice? Save and roast those seeds, people. And share them with us when you do. Ahead, here are six squashes you'll actually want to cook.

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Experts have confirmed something we've suspected for a while, but didn't want to jinx: Prosecco is getting cheaper.

While the average price of beer, wine, cider, and spirits has risen this year, the average price of a bottle of Prosecco has actually dropped from £6.99 to £6.76 - a saving of 23p.

The price drop is clearly connected to Prosecco's incredible popularity in the UK, experts say. In 2015, the Italian sparkling wine overtook Champagne to become the UK's favourite fizzy tipple.

And this year, budget supermarkets like Aldi and Lidl have introduced some incredible Prosecco deals in a bid to corner the market. One supermarket is now selling a jumbo three-litre bottle of Prosecco that's perfect for packed Christmas parties, while another offered six bottles for £20 as an August bank holiday treat.

"Demand for prosecco is still growing and the price is being eroded," Toby Magill of market analysts IRI told The Independent. "Alternative sparkling wines like Asda's Progrigio are coming in and because of the success of Prosecco, it's very difficult to sell at a higher price."

So, all in all, it looks as though the Prosecco boom is far from over - and we'll drink to that.

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If you've ever caught an episode of Your Face or Mine?, you'll know it's fascinating - and often pretty awkward - to see couples deciding which one of them is better-looking.

So in a way, it's reassuring to hear that according to a new YouGov poll, most people in the UK think their partner is more physically attractive than them.

Some 56% of respondents to the poll said they consider their partner more attractive, while 35% said their partner is on the same level of attractiveness as them. Just 9% said they think their partner is less attractive.

Interestingly, the poll also found that people in the UK are quite likely to rate their own attractiveness as average. When respondents were asked to score themselves on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most physically attractive, more respondents chose a 5 than any other number. Meanwhile, just 2% of respondents rated themselves a flawless 10 out of 10.

YouGov  found that younger people are likely to rate their attractiveness higher than older people, which, sadly, is no great surprise given the way society can erase older women in particular. The poll also found that there's no difference in how men and women rate their attractiveness.

However, there is a disparity in how men and women visualise their ideal partner. Some 51% of men said they'd like a partner in the 8-10 attractiveness bracket - compared to just 32% of women. Nearly twice as many women than men said they prefer an average-looking partner.

Of course, physical attractiveness is a pretty subjective thing, and only one component of what makes someone appealing romantically. Maybe YouGov's next poll could ask people to decide how good a partner they think they are? Now, those are some results we'd like to see!

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Update 7 October 6.30pm GMT: Police have said this afternoon's car collision outside the Natural History Museum in London was not terror-related.

In a statement, the Metropolitan Police said it is believed that a car collided with a group of pedestrians after mounting a pavement on Exhibition Road in South Kensington.

Of the 11 people who sustained injuries, nine were taken to hospital for treatment. One of the nine people who received treatment is a man who was arrested by police after the incident. He is currently in custody at a north London police station.

Police confirmed that the incident is a road traffic investigation and not a terrorist-related incident, adding that enquiries are ongoing.

Original story: A man has been arrested after a car crashed into pedestrians outside one of London's busiest museums.

The incident occurred at 2.20pm on Saturday afternoon outside the National History Museum on Exhibition Road in South Kensington. Video footage shared on Twitter shows a suspect being restrained on the ground by police officers.

The BBC reports that several people sustained injuries, which are believed to be minor.

So far the Metropolitan Police have only released limited information about the incident. More will follow in due course.

We will release more information when we can - our information must be accurate. #ExhibitionRoad #SouthKensington

— Metropolitan Police (@metpoliceuk) October 7, 2017

London's Mayor, Sadiq Khan, has tweeted about the incident, sharing police advice urging people to stay away from the area where possible.

A number of people have been injured in an incident involving a car in Exhibition Road. Follow @metpoliceuk for updates. pic.twitter.com/ZML00siGHu

— Sadiq Khan (@SadiqKhan) October 7, 2017

Meanwhile, a Downing Street spokesperson has said that Prime Minister Theresa May is "being kept up to date on events."

Exhibition Road in South Kensington is home to several major museums and academic establishments including the Natural History Museum, the Victoria and Albert Museum, and the Science Museum. It's especially busy at weekends when people of all ages, including many families, visit the local attractions.

The UK's terror threat level is currently at its second highest level, "severe," meaning an attack is highly likely. In the wake of last month's Parsons Green tube attack, the terror threat level was briefly raised to its highest level, "critical."

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When a celebrity dies, there is usually an outpouring of support and a collective mourning. This was the case even in the 90s, before social media was a part of our everyday lives. When a celebrity dies under suspicious circumstances, the police are typically more motivated to investigate. This was not the case with trans rights activist and New York icon Marsha P. Johnson. Johnson is the subject of the new Netflix documentary, The Death And Life of Marsha P. Johnson. The streaming service’s latest contribution to the true-crime genre is about an unsolved death that occurred 25 years ago, and shines light on a social problem that is just as bad today. The film does not skirt around the issue of who is to blame, either.

Johnson’s body was found floating in the Hudson River on July 5, 1992, six days after she was reported missing by her friends following the annual Pride March. Her cause of death was documented as a suicide by police, a ruling that friends and other members of Johnson’s community fiercely rejected. Attempts to get the police to investigate her death were fruitless for 20 years, until it was finally reopened as an unsolved case. The Death And Life of Marsha P. Johnson follows the work of LGBT activist Victoria Cruz as she undertakes her own investigation into Johnson’s death, and tells a powerful story about the history of the LGBT movement, and the people it leaves behind, in the process.

Cruz and Johnson were both present at the Stonewall riots of 1969. They, along with other trans women like Sylvia Rivera, spent the entirety of their lives after that advocating on behalf of LGBT communities and embracing their identities in a New York City that was much less tolerant than it is now. Even though they were on the frontline and among the most impacted by issues like housing, employment, and violence, the broader LGBT community did not often return that embrace.

In one scene, a community advocate admonishes the “privileged” members of the gay community for protesting and marching for marriage equality but failing to show up for trans people. Archival audio footage from Johnson recounts the story of the first Pride Parade relegating the “transvestites” to the back of the parade. Rivera is booed by a crowd of LGBT people as she tries to address the rally. She was so disheartened by this that she left the movement. A mixture of transphobia and respectability called for trans women to often be rejected for their gender identity and performance.

According to the Human Rights Campaign, at least 21 trans women have been murdered in the US in 2017. These incidents do not happen in a vacuum. They lack protections under the justice system, while discrimination in housing and employment make trans women more likely to be homeless and seek work in underground economies. Social stigma isolates them from family and friends, and the community that is supposed to advocate on their behalf does not.

The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson is a stark example of the LGBT community being taken to task over its corporatisation and willful ignoring of its most marginalised communities. They, too, played a part in the conditions that caused Johnson’s death and life. I hope that in being called out, cis-LGBT people lean in, instead of looking away.

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The Other Art Fair, presented by Saatchi Art, opens this weekend at the Old Truman Brewery in east London. Part of London's Art Week, it's like the rising-star equivalent of Frieze, where artists on the verge of global recognition present and sell their work, which is everything from sculpture to works on paper, photography and painting.

The fair has a history of championing and nurturing the latest upcoming female talent, having previously showcased bold and bright creator Camille Walala. Two to watch this year? Award-winning London-based Icelandic artist Kristjana S. Williams and fashion photographer-turned-contemporary artist Carolina Mizrahi. With women making up half of the artists at this year's fair, the selection committee also boasts some of the industry's most exciting female talent, from Saatchi Art's Rebecca Wilson to journalist Elizabeth Fullerton and Serpentine Gallery exhibition curator Rebecca Lewin.

If supporting women in art and copping some contemporary pieces sounds like your bag, scroll through to see a preview of some of the fantastic female talent featured in this year's fair.

The Other Art Fair is at the Old Truman Brewery, 91 Brick Lane, London E1 6QR
Public Viewing: Friday 6th-Sunday 8th October, times vary, £8

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When a celebrity dies, there is usually an outpouring of support and a collective mourning. This was the case even in the 90s, before social media was a part of our everyday lives. When a celebrity dies under suspicious circumstances, the police are typically more motivated to investigate. This was not the case with trans rights activist and New York icon Marsha P. Johnson. Johnson is the subject of the new Netflix documentary, The Death And Life of Marsha P. Johnson. The streaming service’s latest contribution to the true-crime genre is about an unsolved death that occurred 25 years ago, and shines light on a social problem that is just as bad today. The film does not skirt around the issue of who is to blame, either.

Johnson’s body was found floating in the Hudson River on July 5, 1992, six days after she was reported missing by her friends following the annual Pride March. Her cause of death was documented as a suicide by police, a ruling that friends and other members of Johnson’s community fiercely rejected. Attempts to get the police to investigate her death were fruitless for 20 years, until it was finally reopened as an unsolved case. The Death And Life of Marsha P. Johnson follows the work of LGBT activist Victoria Cruz as she undertakes her own investigation into Johnson’s death, and tells a powerful story about the history of the LGBT movement, and the people it leaves behind, in the process.

Cruz and Johnson were both present at the Stonewall riots of 1969. They, along with other trans women like Sylvia Rivera, spent the entirety of their lives after that advocating on behalf of LGBT communities and embracing their identities in a New York City that was much less tolerant than it is now. Even though they were on the frontline and among the most impacted by issues like housing, employment, and violence, the broader LGBT community did not often return that embrace.

In one scene, a community advocate admonishes the “privileged” members of the gay community for protesting and marching for marriage equality but failing to show up for trans people. Archival audio footage from Johnson recounts the story of the first Pride Parade relegating the “transvestites” to the back of the parade. Rivera is booed by a crowd of LGBT people as she tries to address the rally. She was so disheartened by this that she left the movement. A mixture of transphobia and respectability called for trans women to often be rejected for their gender identity and performance.

According to the Human Rights Campaign, at least 21 trans women have been murdered in the US in 2017. These incidents do not happen in a vacuum. They lack protections under the justice system, while discrimination in housing and employment make trans women more likely to be homeless and seek work in underground economies. Social stigma isolates them from family and friends, and the community that is supposed to advocate on their behalf does not.

The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson is a stark example of the LGBT community being taken to task over its corporatisation and willful ignoring of its most marginalised communities. They, too, played a part in the conditions that caused Johnson’s death and life. I hope that in being called out, cis-LGBT people lean in, instead of looking away.

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So far, the only wedding-related decision my boyfriend and I have managed to make since getting engaged nine months ago is a date: sometime in 2019 (size, country and continent are still fair game and don’t even talk to me about any sort of 'maid or 'man, they’re not on my radar). This feels like quite an achievement considering that so far the process has felt daunting, emotional and – it’s probably not very fashionable to say about your own wedding, but I’m calling it – boring.

And this is all before getting on to the biggest obstacle of all: money. Saving for a one-day party (the average British wedding costs £27,000) that's two years away, instead of a flat – the average UK first-time buyer deposit last year was more than £32,000, according to Halifax, and triple that in London – doesn’t always feel 100% sane.

Little wonder, then, that growing numbers of couples are swerving a traditional wedding altogether to elope.

“Eloping is back,” declared The Times in a recent report about the trend. Meanwhile, elopement “fixers” at home and abroad say they have never been busier thanks to soaring demand from couples who want personalised ceremonies without an audience – or at most a very small one – in far-flung destinations and specialist venues across Britain, at a cost of as little as £1,000-£2,000.

Maya Conway, 49, who founded elopement retreat BoHo Cornwall with her husband Tom four years ago, says the trend has “mushroomed” in the last year or so. “When we set up in west Cornwall, obviously there’s Gretna Green that everybody has heard of but it’s a bit 'production line', there was only one other doing it,” she adds. “But now there are loads.”

I always thought that if I got married, not only would I want to throw a party for as many people as humanly possible, but that it would be almost mean-spirited not to. Now, I am excited about getting married in front of friends and family, but any ideas of what form that might take are very swiftly starting to unravel.

Maya says it’s not unusual for couples to feel burnt-out by the planning process. Motivations for eloping include money, stress, pressure of being “on show” and privacy for people who are shy “but don’t want to compromise and go to a registry office,” she says. “We also get a lot of couples who planned traditional weddings but either [felt] pressure or drained by it and walked away from their deposits.” Often couples compromise by going to BoHo for a couple of nights to do the ceremony alone and then go home to celebrate with friends and family.

Unlike eloping of old, the 2017 version is less Gretna Green runaways, Austen-esque romantic scandals and Las Vegas shotgun weddings and more in the boutique category. Modern elopement is about “breaking with the norms of the past,” says Jenny MacFarlane, 39, from Eloping is Fun in New York – another popular elopement destination. By spending less money on the ceremony itself, she says couples are able to “splurge on fancy hotels and meals” while still shelling out much less than they would for a traditional ceremony. If they bring guests, she says it’s just a handful, adding: “They’re boiling it down to the most essential elements.” Some tell their friends and families beforehand, others keep it a secret and then surprise/shock them afterwards and have a separate celebration later.

This all sounds very practical in theory but in some families this would be potentially explosive. How does it go down? Laura Clarke, 30, a copywriter from west London who eloped to New York with her husband Jeff in May, says they got a few “raised eyebrows” when they first shared the news but that once they had reassured their parents that they weren’t doing a runner, “nobody really said anything”. Both their immediate families were there, but extended family weren’t invited.

“There were some family members who view it as a more kind of traditional day but all it took was a sit-down and explanation,” says propman Jeff, also 30. After eight years together, he says it was not about anyone being “given away” but rather “putting a stamp on our relationship”.

It took just a few soul-sapping visits to wedding venues at home to convince the couple that they wanted to do something different. As costs escalated they found the focus “started to drift away” from what they wanted their wedding to be about. In the end, they got a personalised wedding ceremony on the anniversary of their engagement in a museum in Brooklyn in front of a small group of family and friends, a nice dinner and a reception in a brewery – all for the cost of hiring a single teepee at home. “Not even the land to put it on, just the tent,” says Laura, gleefully.

They gave their modest guest list some notice but not loads. The transatlantic flight also helped to keep numbers down, as it required slightly more commitment than the well-trodden wedding-guest path of liquid brunch on a train into the countryside, ceremony, reception, Travelodge.

Artseller Katharine Drabble, 35, and her husband Ross, 39, a shipwright, decided early on that they wanted to elope. “We didn’t have a lot of free time to plan a large event and what most appealed to us was we were able to marry secretly on our own,” she says. “There was a very special moment in time where nobody knew we were married except us, and it felt sacred and special.” Eloping to BoHo enabled them to make the experience “as personal as possible without the worry of keeping guests happy and with a lot less planning, expense and fuss,” she says. Luckily, nobody objected when they told them afterwards and they had a small family celebration when they got home.

However, not every elopement story ends quite so happily. One wedding planner tells me about a young couple whose elopement plan was foiled by their parents just before the ceremony and they had to cancel it last-minute.

Of course, fortunately, marriage in Britain these days is usually a choice rather than a necessity and increasingly couples are choosing not to. But there is also a growing demand for alternatives. Over 78,000 people have signed a petition calling to open civil partnerships – currently only available to same sex-couples – to all, which they say would provide heterosexual couples with the same legal protections as marriage. A test case is expected to be heard at the Supreme Court next year.

Despite all the hassle and idiocy, personally marriage is something that I do want to do with my partner, but neither full-scale wedding or elopement feels quite right. I wouldn’t mind something in-between the two – a non-secret wedding with some guests and elopement-style informality – a welopement, you might say.

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Sex, secrets and subterfuge! Your life could start feeling a lot like that of an undercover operative this Tuesday as supersizer Jupiter swings into Scorpio until 8th November 2018. The red-spotted planet has spent the past 13 months in Libra, the sign that rules justice. And while we've seen plenty of injustice since then, there has also been unity and activism akin to what we saw in the 1960s. As Jupiter shines his stadium-bright beams in Scorpio's chamber of secrets, we may finally get some answers about all the scandals and corruption that have been in the news (and some we didn't even know were going down). On a personal level, do make sure all your private data is properly stored and protected — and maybe delete that video from your iPhone. Liberated Jupiter could spur a sexual revolution over the coming year and activism may take an even sharper focus on protecting reproductive rights. When it comes to love, look for freedom within a commitment. Jupiter may be independent but in Scorpio, he plays for keeps!

Give peace — and romance — a chance this weekend. Harmonious Venus has a homecoming party as she returns to her native sign of Libra from Saturday until 7th November. This annual cycle can bring a bonus case of the butterflies, kind of like an autumn Valentine's Day, if you will. A greater desire for harmony will blanket the world. Could we find win-wins among the divisions? Here's hoping!

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We’re all pretty familiar with how gross biting your nails can be, but it's worse than just freaking out your fellow tube passengers. This seemingly benign oral fixation can cause physical harm, and more than just raw and bloodied fingertips. When you're nibbling on your nails, you're also ingesting all the germs your hands have collected throughout the day.

As Lauren Ploch, MD, MEd, FAAD, a board-certified dermatologist explained, “Usually, our salivary enzymes and peptic (stomach) acids may break down the bacteria so they’re less likely to harm us. However, some bacteria can cause gastrointestinal issues (i.e. vomiting and diarrhoea).”

Germs aren't the only concern. According to Dr. Shari Lipner, Assistant Professor of Dermatology at the Weill Cornell Medical College at Cornell University, nail biting may lead to permanent brown-black lines on the nails, as well as a shortened nail caused by deformation in the nail bed. And the habit could potentially “lead to gum swelling and abscesses, as [in] TMJ syndrome,” she said.

If you're ready to kick your nail biting addiction, there are a few solutions you can try that don’t require snapping a rubber band around your wrist or walking around with rubber gloves (unless that’s a new look you want to try). For ideas, we asked manicure masters like Jin Soon Choi, Deborah Lippmann, and Miss Pop to share their favorite prevention and treatment options.

But remember, these are just suggestions and it’s best to talk to your doctor about your options — after all, what might work for one person might not work for another, and it’s all about finding the right fit for you. Check out some tried-and-trued cures, ahead.

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Although many of us are trying to cut down on our meat consumption, it can still be surprisingly tricky to find vegetarian and vegan meal options on the high street. So it's pleasing to hear that Wagamama, which has around 120 restaurants in the UK, has just introduced a new, expanded vegetarian and vegan menu.

The chain's new 15-item vegan menu includes starters, mains, and desserts, so your whole meat-free meal is covered. Some of the options are pretty standard - well, obviously edamame are vegan - but other dishes are more exciting. We're particularly keen to try the delicious-sounding yasai samla curry, which is described as "a fragrant, spicy lemongrass and coconut curry with tofu, peppers, shiitake mushrooms and baby plum tomatoes." It's served with white rice, so it sounds super-filling, too.

Wagamama's Customer Director Emma Woods says of the new menu: "Our first ever dedicated vegan and vegetarian menu can be the starting point to support a vegan lifestyle choice. From its October launch, we will be listening to our fans to make sure we are constantly adapting and innovating to meet customer desires and a modern lifestyle.”

Let's hope more of the UK's leading restaurant chains follow Wagamama's lead. The NHS estimates that around 1.2 million people in the UK are vegetarian, while The Vegan Society  reckons there are now half a million vegans. Lots of us are adopting flexitarian diets, too. There's no excuse for restaurants not to be offering meat-free options that we want to try - and come back for again and again.

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Approximately 90 percent of Puerto Rico is still without power and the deadliest mass shooting in modern US history occurred last week, but the Trump administration remains fixated on NFL players who kneel during the National Anthem. This afternoon, Vice President Mike Pence left a game between the Indianapolis Colts and the San Francisco 49ers after some players chose to take a knee.

In a statement posted to Twitter, Pence claimed that he didn't want to "dignify" the event.

"I left today's Colts game because President Trump and I will not dignify any event that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our National Anthem," he wrote. "At a time when so many Americans are inspiring our nation with their courage, resolve, and resilience, now, more than ever, we should rally around our Flag and everything that unites us."

I stand with @POTUS Trump, I stand with our soldiers, and I will always stand for our Flag and our National Anthem. pic.twitter.com/B0zP5M41MQ

— Vice President Pence (@VP) October 8, 2017

Trump quickly took to Twitter to state that he had told Pence to leave the game if any players knelt during the National Anthem. "I asked @VP Pence to leave stadium if any players kneeled, disrespecting our country. I am proud of him and @SecondLady Karen," Trump wrote.

I asked @VP Pence to leave stadium if any players kneeled, disrespecting our country. I am proud of him and @SecondLady Karen.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 8, 2017

According to The New York Times, the vice president flew from the west coast to Indianapolis, where the Colts were playing a team that's known for its participation in the NFL protest movement against racial injustice. The outlet reports that Pence didn't take a pool reporter into the stadium and a member of his staff said the vice president might be leaving early.

And just days after Trump told Puerto Rico that it had "thrown our budget a little out of whack," people were quick to criticise the expense of Pence's trip: He flew from Las Vegas to Indianapolis, then immediately looped back to the west coast for a trip to Los Angeles.

After all the scandals involving unnecessarily expensive travel by cabinet secretaries, how much taxpayer money was wasted on this stunt? https://t.co/R4SFCTCMUJ

— Adam Schiff (@RepAdamSchiff) October 8, 2017

A C32 (AF2) costs $42,936/hour. Pence flew 2.5 hours from Vegas to Indianapolis and then flew back to LA 📈📈

— Kevin Liptak (@Kevinliptakcnn) October 8, 2017

Others pointed out that, if Pence had stayed in Indianapolis for the duration of the game, he wouldn't have arrived in Los Angeles on time for a 6:30 p.m. fundraiser — so it definitely appears that he showed up to the game solely so he could leave before it even began.

Mike Hateful Pence says he left the NFL game in protest?
Not so fast.
He had to board Air Force Two for a fundraiser in los Angeles at 6:30. pic.twitter.com/1ufgXkedn9

— Thinker (@areta) October 8, 2017

It takes 4 hours to fly from Indianapolis to California. Pence had a 6:30 fundraiser in CA. Pence wasn’t staying for the game anyway.

— Hesiod Theogeny (@Hesiod2k11) October 8, 2017

Both NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy and Indianapolis Colts coach Chuck Pagano declined to comment on Pence's actions.

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Currently, 10 countries in the world offer gender-neutral passports: Australia, Denmark, Germany, Malta, New Zealand, Pakistan, India, Ireland, and Nepal, according to The Guardian. The UK could soon become the 11th if activist Christie Elan-Cane's efforts succeed.

Elan-Cane, who identifies as "non-gendered,"   is taking a case to the High Court to get the Home Office to provide "X" passports that don't require their owners to identify with a gender. This means that, per the UN International Civil Aviation Organisation (ICAO)'s recommendations, people would be able to enter "X" instead of "M" or "F" in the sex category of their passports. People who enter the UK from other countries with X passports are currently allowed in.

"Legitimate identity is a fundamental human right, but non-gendered people are often treated as though we have no rights," Elan-Cane told The Guardian. "The UK’s passport application process requires applicants to declare whether they are male or female. It is inappropriate and wrong that someone who defines as neither should be forced to make that declaration."

The Stonewall Trans Advisory Group has also been campaigning for a third gender option on UK passports. "Not having legal recognition means non-binary people must constantly live as someone they are not," reads a five-year plan the group drafted.

There have also been efforts to make passports more inclusive within the UK government. A 2016 House of Commons report concluded that the government should "provide trans equality policy with a clear set of overall guiding principles which are in keeping with current international best practice" and "look into the need to create a legal category for those people with a gender identity outside that which is binary and the full implications of this." Over 40 MPs have already added their signatures to a motion calling for gender-neutral passports.

A hearing will be held on Wednesday for the court to consider Elan-Cane's case.

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I’m a drag queen who hates attention. An oxymoron in terms, I know.

To clarify, I don’t hate well-deserved attention from large groups of people — I j'aDior the sound of the audience at Wembley, where my drag girlband and I have a fortnightly residency, yelping, fainting and screaming when I hit that high note; I love making people laugh at a dinner party for telling an outrageous poo story or garnering stony looks from the Prada Girls at fashion parties because they’re jealous of how well I’m wearing this lavender cardi from Warehouse in the late '90s.

No, I’m good with that kind of attention; let’s call it ‘natural attention’. The kind I really can’t stand is undeserved attention.

This fact is reified once a year, every year, on my birthday. I fucking hate my birthday. Other examples of this kind of attention include asking your parents to tell you they’re proud of you; asking your friends to tell you you’re beautiful and, when they do, feeling really disingenuous because you forced it upon them; asking for a specific gift and then receiving it and feeling guilty because you’re disappointed the gift-buyer didn’t actually get you a better, more expensive surprise. But the most tangible example is birthdays.

But not for the obvious reason of hating growing older, which is many people’s reasoning for going into hibernation at the same time of year each year. Ageing doesn’t scare me; I think there’s something exciting about slowly bulldozing through the age boxes on official forms because the best people I know are older people: my radical grandma, Vera Duckworth (RIP), Madonna, Celine Dion, Gandalf The Great, Cher. It’s easy for me to say, I know, as someone who is male presenting, as there is far less societal pressure on me to stay ‘looking young’. But personally, there’s something liberating about accepting that your days as a stinky, broke adolescent are over, and instead gliding shamelessly towards the days where you own walls full of really smart-looking books that you've never read. Those heady days when your niece’s boyfriend comes to visit you “in London!!” and is kind of uncomfortable because of the amount of tasteless homoerotic art you have brazenly around the house (and, obviously, because you’re making very unmistakable come-to-bed eyes at him every time your niece goes to the loo).

Like many people, I was surprised to find, I just hate the specific type of attention your birthday brings with it. As this amazing quote I just found on Instagram and posted out to all my fucbois says: “If I have to ask for your attention, I don’t even want it.” And that’s the point.

Birthdays are this weird coercive system where you force your friends – and their annoying plus ones who never pay their share of the goddam bill – to come somewhere, spend money and celebrate you for doing nothing but managing to jack up your carbon footprint over the course of a year. That’s the only thing that’s changed in a year. That and the fact you’ve probs gained weight and have nothing palpable to show for the money you've broken your back earning.

Now, there are some people who love their birthdays and I’m not judging you. One of my best friends, let’s call her Emily (lol that’s her name), loves her birthday. She revels in it, each year throwing massive jamborees and literally putting the fun into organised fun. For her it rolls into one everything she loves: her friends, her family, presents, queer space, drinking, and organising parties, as well as taking time to look back over the past year, reflect and grow. And that’s great for Emily.

But for me, this kind of unwanted attention, which you feel like you’ve asked for, is something I’m used to in the bleakest of ways. That’s right folks, it all comes back to homophobia. It’s a classic liberal trope to bring everything back to what oppresses you, and of that I’m guilty. But for my whole life I’ve been the recipient of a lot of attention for literally just (trying) to be myself. From how I dress, to how I speak, to the way I walk, to the way I think, to the people I hit on: everything about me, for as long as I can remember, has attracted unwarranted and direct violence — whether it's vicious slurs, bottles thrown at my face, or being attacked outside my front door. Being camp, femme and queeny aren't affectations, they’re just part of me now, as is my birthday. None of that is my choice.

And, yes, although all of these heinous acts of homophobia I’ve experienced are far less beautiful than my wonderful, supportive friends and family rallying around to celebrate my coming into being, I have come to relate that kind of undeserved attention irrevocably to the years of unwanted, undeserved attention I have received for being gay.

On the flip side, birthdays always bring with them a huge amount of guilt. Growing up we didn't have so much money, so every time a birthday rolled around it always brought with it this horrible feeling that your parents had spent a fortune on you, even though they couldn't afford to. This guilt continues today because, as a drag queen, I often demand that my friends show me attention and adoration during my shows, so it feels excessive to ask for it on another day for doing nothing.

So here we are in between feelings of inexplicable unwanted attention and huge guilt, and the result is a birthday spent feeling overtly emotional, deeply ungrateful, and terribly guilty for weeks after. What a spoiled queen.

So what can we do about it? Well, first off I am calling on Jacob Rees-Mogg to step down. Nothing to do with my birthday, he’s just a grotesque example of douchebaggery. Secondly, I’m going to give a shout-out to my mum – it was her that did all the work, and still does, on my birthday, undergoing her fourth caesarean to spawn a drag queen who spent 18 years plus draining every penny from her bank account. Mums, and dads — for the sperm, the money, and love, if you're lucky — are the real heroes of birthdays.

Ultimately, however, I think the key to solving birthday hate can be solved one of two ways.

1. Cancel your birthday and don't organise anything yourself. Don’t tell people, and let those close to you tell you they love you and do nice things for you and don't feel guilty about that. As long as you would do the same for them, then that’s fine. If you wouldn't, then buck up!

2. Get blotto and repress all emotions. That’s less advisable.

I’m aware this is possibly the most inconsequential problem anyone has ever had but if you've ever hated your birthday, I want you to know that you're not alone. That I stand with you in solidarity on this day, on your birthday, and always.

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